Another school year come and (almost) gone and so much to reflect on! Back in the day I used to use this blog as a sort of diary, but in these most recent years since the kids have all been in school, I've had a difficult time processing all the big feelings with words. And I'm okay with that! One of the biggest changes I've noticed in myself over this season of life has been the desire/preference to quietly reflect on things. A verse that has been really helpful for me in this has been Luke 2:19, after Jesus was born and the shepherds, who had seen the baby, were sharing the news with others: "But Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart." In many ways I've been doing just that; pondering things in my heart like a private treasure chest.
But there's something about documenting things through words, if you can, that provides a wonderful avenue for perspective. When I look back on old posts, both here and my private journal, it's remarkable to see how the Lord worked various situations out and answered deep, meaningful prayers that felt so big at the time.
Here is an excerpt from this post written when my three babes started full day school for the first time back in September 2015:
I'm feeling that same crisis welling up again; I'm a mother but my babes will not be with me day in and day out anymore. The weight of responsibility to care for them |during the day| has been lifted from my shoulders. What does one do when they're used to carrying such a weight and it's gone just like that? What fills the space? As fast as my hands were full, they're empty again.
With a few elementary school years under my belt I can honestly say there is still that sense of feeling left behind when the kids board the bus each morning. I miss them. But as for what fills that time when they're gone? God took care of that tenfold.
First of all, I had this preconceived notion that the school, any school, would not welcome parents into their community - that parents would be asked to 'step aside' so the kids would have the opportunity to bloom and stretch their own wings. I've never been so grateful to be wrong in my life!!! Our school is nestled in a neighborhood, it's not very big, and is family friendly in every way. Not only have I felt welcomed to be there, but encouraged to visit, stop in for lunch with my kids, volunteer and enjoy being present. I never in a million years imagined how much I would desire or enjoy volunteering at my kids' school. But I never imagined how much of a heart change Colin, Shire, and Mason would cause, and getting the opportunity to help their school in any way I can is such a treat. There is always something going on and always something to be a part of. I don't think I'm involved in even a fraction of what goes on in their sweet school, but I jump on the opportunities I'm able. (And by the way, if you are not in this phase of life yet just know that there will be parents that seem like they are involved in everything and there will be those who make sure everyone knows it. Chin up. This journey is no one else's but yours and only a competition to those with a narrow lens.)